For various reasons, I don’t recall much from my childhood (Although more memories seem to be creeping back). But what I do remember, from as far back as my memory serves me, is how I was always observing people.
I didn’t speak up until I was about 6. I went for brain scans at one point as family and teachers thought there was something wrong with my mind. I passed in case you are wondering whose words you are reading.
I didn’t speak but even that early age I was observing others.
I was always asking myself (and as I grew in years, so did my questions) questions such as,
- Why do some people take offence so easily and others don’t?
- Why do some people seem so impatient and appear on edge as it were, yet others don’t seem to get ruffled?
- Why do some dress nicely and others scruffy?
- Why are some people driving lovely cars and others old bangers?
- Why are some people successful and others aren’t?
- Why are some people rich and others poor?
- Why do some people look happy most of the time whilst others are always complaining?
Why, why, why used to race through my mind on these and a myriad of other topics.
Then when I was 27 I upped my studies and read all I could get my hands on about the mind, success, people, body language, the unconscious mind and anything to do with self-improvement.
Add to that the countless biographies and stories of those who had achieved against the odds or when others have told them to quit.
I’ve never stopped to this day. Now you can add in the recent findings from neuroscience, social psychology and of course, even more books and articles that I devour like a favourite meal.
All of this learning has led me to this…
The first thing I have learned about what stops people from being great (er) or achieving more
I find this first trait tragic. Why? because I have seen so many more people living unhappy and unfulfilled lives that they needn’t be living.
People grossly under-estimate what they are actually capable of.
In fact it goes deeper than under-estimation with some…I would call it severe doubt. They grossly doubt what they are truly capable of achieving. They doubt their abilities. They doubt their determination, their focus, their self-discipline. They doubt and under-estimate, all of their inborn abilities that could lead them to greater achievement or a happier, more fulfilling life.
Time and time again I see it in so many people and have done throughout my 50 years of studying people and success.
And if you are successful now, I would guess that you too, could do and achieve, even more.
This is why I love what I do. Coaching allows me to help others tap into their vast reserves of ability and unleash themselves on the world.
The second biggest trait that stops people from living a greater life
This is no ‘big reveal’ right here. It’s common knowledge. Yet, so many people still fall into this trap of self-restraint.
What is it?
It is FEAR.
Not fear in general. But a fear of what they think others will think about them.
I guess you could say or argue that the root cause of all fear is rejection. I get that. After all, rejection follows the same neural pathways as physical pain. So it’s no wonder that people will do whatever it takes to avoid rejection.
But I think with the rise of social media, this fear of what others think is growing. Exponentially.
Just this week I read a study that shows that teenage girls are becoming unhappier in the UK. The # 1 reason? Comparing themselves with other people through social media and feeling inadequate, uglier or not as ‘good’ as others.
Winning or losing is not the point with unleashing your greatness. It’s all about who you become and how it makes you happier knowing you are living a purposeful life
In other words, they are wrapped up with the misconception of what others must be thinking about them.
But to me, with the huge numbers of older folk using social media, this fear of what others might think about them, is also holding them back too. They have carried this same fear from their youth into their autumn years and now social media increases this for them too.
“I better not give this goal my all. What if I fail?” You might think that is the biggest fear. But it is not. The bigger, underlying fear is, “What will other people think of me?”
The fear then becomes, “What will other people think of me if I give this my complete focus and fail at it?”
Too many people are so scared of what they think others might think, more than any fear of failure or fear of success
Everybody wants to be not only liked by everybody, but accepted by everybody too.
These two traits kill people’s dreams. They prevent people from even giving them a shot. People will then use self-justification for not attempting their dreams or doing what they love.
They will hide behind procrastination or the big excuse of, “I just don’t know what I want to do” Both of these are nonsense.
It is the two traits I have mentioned that hold people back. It is these two ugly traits that stop people from living a truly outstanding life, I can assure you. It is these two traits that ensure people take up all their spare time on games, TV and the Internet instead of pursuing things that will make them happier and feel more fulfilled.
So if you can overcome these two traits you will achieve so much more. You really will. You will surprise yourself. You will achieve your wildest dreams.
How on earth do you overcome them?
Well the fastest and easiest way is to get an outstanding coach or mentor. And I speak from personal experience. It took me one whole year to change and overcome these two stoppers. There was no Google back then and self-improvement books were confined to perhaps one shelf in the back of the bookstore.
I help others do it in like 90 minutes.
Today, with all the information out there, there really is no excuse to learn how to overcome these two stoppers.
You are capable of far more than you think you are. If only you could believe that beautiful truth and act upon it
That said, the first trait I have mentioned (Not believing what we are truly capable of) prevents some people from even trying. However, one only needs the smallest seed of desire to change or to want different results to get themselves on their way.
If only you could see what you are truly of capable of. If only you believed it. You would be amazing yourself. You could be more, do more and have more. The world would be yours to achieve whatever you can dream of.
If only you could accept that most people are not thinking about you. They are more concerned about what others are thinking about them.
If only you could stop comparing yourself to others. You are a unique and extraordinary person too. You only need to compare you with you. You simply compare your own growth. You compare where you are now to where you were 12 or 6 months ago.
You raise your own bar and compare yourself with your own standards. Not others. Most of the time people make unfair and unrealistic comparisons anyway. This is pointless and stressful.
Oh my friend. You are capable of achieving so much more. And I am not just talking about material stuff either. I am talking about doing what you love; sharing your God-given talents serving others, or making your community or the world a better place for us all.
And I tell you this. Once you start living that kind of life the only thing you’ll ever wonder is why you doubted yourself in the first place and why you were ever bothered about what you think others might think.
You are so capable of so much more. My question is: What are you going to do about it?