I am Going Through Hard Times – And This is What I Do
Have you ever reached a point where you ask yourself, ‘What’s life all about? What is the meaning of it all? What’s my purpose here?’ And have you ever asked this, or something similar, with a negative undertone because things just don’t seem to be going your way or you are feeling down?
I have. And I’m passing through that point right now. And here’s why.
Over the past year I have made some terrible choices. I made a couple of choices that hurt people and cannot fathom out why I continue to do so, is one. Whether I can undo them I am not sure. If not, then I have to live with them.
What’s done is done. Sometimes the hurt and destruction we cause through such choices and actions cannot be undone; no matter how strong our desire maybe to put things right. Sometimes this can be out of our control.
My financial situation has tumbled somewhat and I haven’t experienced this state of affairs for quite some time either.
An extremely personal situation has been plaguing my mind also. I have been struggling to come to terms with that.
Recently, for a couple of reasons, I have felt terrible towards my children too – but having been absent from them for most of their lives, parenting hasn’t been one of my stronger attributes. When I say absent, I mean physically. But I am still working on improving those skills (And I love them to bits)
I don’t write this post for pity, attention or connection. And neither do I write it out of self-pity. I am just writing from my heart. I am just being open.
I have even cried a couple of times over the past week or two, when the distractions of the day disappear late at night; when there is no form of escapism left; when there is just me and my thoughts before sleep.
Yes, I have been questioning, what’s this life all about?
A culmination of situations led me to this. Maybe, just maybe, I did hit the self-pity button for a couple of days. Who knows?
Although I believe in having a network of people around who can help, the ultimate responsibility rests with me to turn things around.
So here I am, a coach that helps others live an awesome life. So how do I claw my way out of such a situation? Well, I use various strategies and here are a few of them. If you are currently struggling, I hope they can help you too.
I’ve Been here Before
I remind myself that in the past I have been through tough times. I got through them. I think back to the strategies I used before that worked and got me through and repeat them. If they worked before they can work again.
I Remain Philosophical
Life, I have found over the years, often unravels before you move on to better things. It may look like everything could be falling apart now, but in the not-too-distant-future you will see that life is kind, and good and wonderful and awesome again. Life will be put back together to fulfill all your needs and some.
There is Always a Way. Always. I firmly believe that.
I keep my Self-Confidence Healthy
When self-confidence reduces it can make it harder to see a way out of your current situation. When low, everything else looks bleaker than it actually is. In light of this, I will often get out my list of 15 personal, past achievements. This reminds me that although I am going through a tough time, it does not mean I am not capable of repeating these past achievements. It makes me feel good too.
I Shut That Doubting Inner Voice Up!
I choose not to beat myself up with negative self-talk. I silence that inner critic as much as I can. Luckily, I have already spent time using this powerful technique and I can control my thoughts. In those bleaker times at night before I fall asleep is the time I am extra watchful of such ridiculous talk. I interrupt negative patterns and remind myself that I am still great coach, a good person generally, that I can turn things around etc.
I Stop Evaluating My Life If I feel Low
Yes, I was evaluating my life when I was down. This is the worst time to do it. various studies have shown that people who evaluate when feeling tired, down or upset will come up with so many negatives. Ask them the same day when their spirits are lifted, and life suddenly looks wonderful once more.
I Remain Optimistic
I truly believe everything will work out great in the end. I just KNOW that it will. Even the harshest of winters never last forever. Spring always arrives. Always. And so it is with life.
I Refocus My Mind
The mind is a wonderful thing and so powerful. And what it focuses on it will seek more of. So to do this I ask myself a couple of great questions.
What am I grateful for in my life right now?
I will write down all the things I can possibly think of. My health, my ability to control my thoughts; my determination; my resilience; my family, my friends etc.
What could be great about this situation?
This one can be a tad harder, especially if you are in the eye of the storm, but if you look you will find something. For me personally, I have already found that it will sharpen my coaching skills. Perhaps it will help me use more empathy with my clients when I am helping them create and live their awesome life by escaping their current adverse situation.
I Keep My Sense of Humour
I avoid watching the news at this time. I like to control what information goes into my mind at such a time as this. Instead of letting the doom and gloom in I prefer to keep my humour up. I watch Seinfeld, Frasier and Lead Balloon. I will even stick on my Laurel and Hardy DVD or an old Groucho Marx movie.
It isn’t surprising how much a great belly laugh makes you feel better and works wonders.
And lastly, I repeat the phrase, ‘And this too shall pass’ often. Because it will. It always does.
Anything really is possible is my mantra if you like. Sure it may well be getting put to the test but I will pass that ‘test’ with flying colours.
And you can too. Keep hoping. Keep believing. And Keep Going. You’ll come out of it in sooner rather than later and like me, bounce back bigger and better than ever before.
As the great Ralph Waldo Emerson the essayist once said, “It is in the darkest night that the stars shine brighter”
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